Getting there slowly!

Yesterday, was a very important date for me. I lost my best friend, my mom, my go-to-lady! I called her Aunt Faye. She was the absolute best! She taught me so much! It's hard when you loose someone close to you, but how would you feel if the Dr. just said well it's your time, instead of letting God take you? That's what kinda happened with her. She had been sick for a while. About 2 yrs ago, she had to go on dialysis & that's when it started. Then last Oct. the Dr. talked us into putting her on a trek. Worst, mistake you ever done. When she was at the last hospital the Dr. told us there are no hospitals in the state of Texas that will take a patient that is on both, dialysis & a trek. (Well, there is one in San Antonio, but they didn't have a bed for her.) The nearest one was in Ohio or Nevada. She didn't want to leave Texas or her family. You see, she wasn't married all she had was my Dad & my family. Her one biggest fear in life was to die alone.
The Dr. flat out told her that her Medicare had ran out & Aflac wasn't going to pay any longer. How do you become a Dr. & to be able to tell a family that they are giving up on your loved one & that they are pulling the plug on them unless you pay them $1,000+ a day to keep them alive.
Well, so we had to move her that one last time. She was only on the trek & Hospis had stepped in. They told us that with her medical problems & being only on a trek that she should just go to sleep & not wake up in about 4-5 days. Well, she proved everyone wrong she lived 12 days without dialysis.
At the time my husband had switched jobs (which I was happy about). So he was in the middle of getting all his training done. They had to send him up to Dallas. He was gone for a week. I believe with all my heart, that God allowed her to stay to make sure I would be OK when she passed. He made it home just in time to say his good-by's to her. (He got home Sat. she passed on Sun.)
I thought I was going to be a basket case yesterday, but I wasn't. I was OK! Even though it was nasty outside I was in good spirits & I am looking forward to Christmas. Even though we don't have much I know God will provide for us. I know we will be able to get the kids something for Christmas.
Dear Lord,
Please be with me as I grow to know you once more. I believe through You all things ARE possible!! I believe You will provide for my family & I. Aman

How do I get there from here?

I have been putting this off for sometime now. I'm not real sure why though.
My question to myself is "How do I get there from here?" You may be wondering what I mean by that, and it's simple. You see i got saved at a young age & now I look back on my life & I'm not to happy with the way I have been living. (Not very Christian). So, how do I pick up the pieces & start living the life the Lord want me to live? How do I go about & tell the world about Jesus's unconditional love for each of us? I'm not a very strong Christian, but I want to learn how I can become one. I love listening to Liz Jordan she is such an inspiration to me. She loves the Lord & you can tell by the way she talks about Him. I need to be more like her & I'm not sure how to get there. I have been away from the Lord for so long. Will He accept me again? Will He love me again? Will I feel His presence? Will He show me the way once again?
I know all the answers to my questions is "Yes He will!" But, I just need to learn how to pick up the pieces & not only teach myself but to help my children with this as well. I have had a great deal of loss this past year. I lost my Aunt last Dec. & she was a great influence in my life. Then i lost my Grandma this past June & she was the most Godly person I ever knew. That's who I want to be more like. I want to live my life more like she did. She loved the Lord so much, she would tell complete strangers about Him. That's what I loved about her.
My first step in my process of turning my life around has started. When my husband left for work this morning, normally I would go back to bed. But, this morning I didn't! (I'm very proud of myself!) Instead I got my Bible & read. I have a Daily Bible Reading in the front of my Bible it tells you what you should that day. Today i read Hosea 14 & I went ahead and read mark 16.
I feel pretty good on what I read. Now if I can just learn to live what I read!!

So, "How do I get there from here?" Answer: One day at a time!!